.jpg)
I have no idea why I've chosen that photo for this blog post. I just noticed this corner of an existing picture that I took last month, and this part still looked nice to me when I removed everything else. So there it is.
Neither do I have a clear idea what I'm really writing about in this post. It's been one of those unfocused, can't-get-moving days.
I was talking with a friend who suffers from a chronic medical condition that causes varying degrees of pain along her right side from one day to the next. Today is one of the more painful days. I mention this because, truth is, I have no excuses and nothing to complain about. No explanation for today. It just is.
My meditations were good today. The first discussed being set free from uncertainty about what to do or say, and from fear of hurting others or being hurt, through getting close to God and trusting the guidance He provides. Excellent stuff, because I struggle with both the aforementioned uncertainty and fear. My relationship with God is better than ever, but clearly there is room for growth in it.
The second meditation was about the need for discipline. Ouch ... there's another weak spot for me. There are many forms of discipline, and many areas in which to apply it. I don't think I'm weak in all its forms and applications. I do fail to do everything I say I will do, and to do what needs to be done when the activity is not that appealing or there's something else I'd rather do instead. Having said that, I do feel a certain excitement in changing this blind spot in my character. In the end, I feel better when I do better. So feeling good about myself is the carrot that encourages me forward in personal discipline.
The third meditation I read began with this quote from Will Durant (I do not know who that is): "To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves." Guilty there, in relation to my ex-husband and my father. Neither of whom are easy to speak well of. It so happens ... not likely to be a coincidence ... that over the last two days my sister has uncovered, and shared with me, some extremely unflattering information about our father's behavior prior to his stroke three months ago. Sigh. What I learned from this meditation is that it's possible to speak the truth about someone without assassinating their character. I think this is called "detachment." For example, mutual friends frequently ask me about my ex-husband. I can answer their questions truthfully without being ugly or bitter. What they think about him is none of my business, and if I speak critically of him, it is usually myself that I make look bad instead of him.
Well, nothing has yet descended upon my head as clear-cut directions for this day. I think a long, hot, leisurely shower, doing things I don't always have the time to do (baby oil when the shower's over sounds nice right now), is my next order of business. Perhaps this foggy feeling will wash away.
