Acceptance

Anonymous author: " And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. ... I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

I have struggled mightily with acceptance over the last week. OK ... most of my life. The notion that I should take life one day at a time and refuse to struggle with the particulars of my reality is the very antithesis of what I learned and believed as I grew up. Were not the heroes of the world those who refused to accept defeat, who kept at "it" until the goal was achieved? Was I not intelligent and talented, full of potential ... was not the world my oyster? Until the age of 37, "acceptance" was wholly foreign to me, a concept to which I had never been introduced. I simply had no idea at all.

In July 2007 I suffered a self-imposed crisis. I had never felt so much emotional pain. I simply could not go on the way I had been. I was full of remorse for what had become a daily drinking habit, and sought help to quit. I learned that my drinking was a symptom, one which could return in full force and even become worse unless I addressed the true problem: I needed God, and a spiritual way of life, desperately. Pursuit of prayer and meditation on a regular basis led me to this thing called "acceptance." I read about it, thought about it, and talked about it for many months, but all I had was conceptual knowledge. Understanding, belief - these require experience. At least they do for me.

And the experiences are coming. Sometimes I do find that I try to put my hands back on the steering wheel. Fortunately, earlier this week I did this and managed not to crash the bus. Forgive my vagueness, but the best I can say is that the other person involved was deeply familiar with acceptance, recognized the battle waging within me, and gently guided me away from the ditch and back on the road. I am grateful that my friend did not become disgusted with or offended by my behavior; what I felt instead was an understanding smile, an encouragement to trust, and reassurance that all will be well and all is well.

As usual during times like these, I have an idea or 200 about what I want and what needs to happen so I can have what I want. This week, absolutely nothing has happened according to my little plans and designs. What I had in mind is not going to transpire, not now. What I have learned is, when I let go of my expectations and accept people, places, things, and situations exactly as they are, this leaves room in my life for the unexpected to happen. And sometimes, those unexpected things are so good that it had never occurred to me to hope for them in the first place.